Speak when Spoken TOO!

SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO

laziness • Hey everyone, time to bring yall some stand up comedy, just hang on while I get my char, what, I’m lazy sorry man people are all lazy these days me included, I mean I cant even bother to wash dishes in the dishwasher, if I need a plate washed, I do it in the shower, redneck style, I’m just kidding, but people are lazy

Things that just make me tick- the internet • What has this world come to you can do everything online these days. You can go to the library, you can look up phone numbers, play games, meet people, shop, you can, go to school, that’s another thing that makes me mad me off, no offence to fat people, but when fat people sit online order food, and subscribe to weight loss programs. You can’t lose weight on the internet, not yet anyway, but I’m sorry, you can work from home, and eat at home, and do all sorts of crap from home, on the computer, but don’t go your silly little online arcade, and play the Sims- weight watchers, you’re not helping… I mean no offence people but come on, if you want to lose weight then try don’t just sit on eBay and order from at mcdonlds.com

Mistakes stores make • o well I went to a store, best buy, the other day to get away from all this internet bull and I saw those sliding doors, and do those make me feel special, I mean they open up and I feel like, powerful but anyway I feel great but I walk to the wrong one and the door didn’t open by it self it was one of those manual doors, I hit that so hard, I thought I was Ashley Simpson on SNL, meaning I felt like a dumb blonde with no talent, wait that’s how I feel while doing stand up, any who • while I was there at I was at best buy the other day and this store up big time, and put 9.99 for a 20 buck movie, and I just was like this is false advertising, you jerks, I mean what is going on in this world today when they do that, its bad enough when they put it on sale, now they have to mess it up,

Sales • There is way to many sales in the world, a pre sale, a post sale, a sale during a sale, a pre post sale, and they can find any event to put on a sale too, like this, “TODAYS the anniversary of that tragic titanic, but folks its okay, cuz today life jackets are half off, two for one.

The word free • I hate stores and things saying like two for one, or buy one get one free, like its cool if you can use two things. But what am I going to do with too cell phones, there is no way I’m going to just give a phone away to a friend of mine, so here’s what you do, go find a buy one get one free deal, buy one take the free one, then take the bought one back, that’s sticking it to the man • but stores always try to miss lead you

Mail in rebates• That’s why they have mail in rebates, to further mess with you, see now, you buy something at a stupid high price, and then have to mail in the rebate and they send you a refund, with all the technology in the world today why do I still have to mail it to you, make it an e-mail in rebate, • Or I don’t know, give me cell phone minutes as my rebate • you know why stores do this right, just to mess with your mind, which I can understand I mean I do things that mess with peoples minds too,

messing with people/cell phones• I mean I used to go in to the store and change my ring tones on my cell phone and see how many people would go for there phone • but you cant do that anymore because cell phones are going crazy these days, you take video clips, you can take pictures, you can surf the web, chat, text message, walkie talkie, play games, download games, listen to music, watch TV. I mean what cant you do with your cell phone these days? I mean its like James bond out there, so I ask you this what features should there be? I mean what is left to put on a cell phone. maybe features like, a yes hunny button, so when ever your girlfriend calls it pugs in "yes hunny, or how bout like a button that’s a travel button, and you can teleport your self anywhere, • and have you ever been to an airport and looked around at all the people there, and looked at all the people with cell phones and are on them, and just thought to yourself, I wonder how many people actually are talking to people, I mean no joke, some moron is in the middle of this big I love you speech on his phone, talking real loud, being annoying and then all of a sudden his phone rings, he shut the up and ran away it was funny, I mean nowadays you don’t even know who is talking to who, they have those little ear bud thingies, its like I’m trying to take a leek and this guy comes in and starts talking to me, so I thought, and I just nicely answered his questions, and about 2 minutes went by, I drank a lot a water, and I finally told the guy look I’m trying to take a leak, he rudely interrupts me and says its rude to talk to people when they are on the phone, I felt so dumb • o well it messed with his mind, and after all that was the goal in the first place, I still remember going into stores back in the day and taking things or putting things in to peoples carts. I remember this one time, I took some milk and out of this cart, and then walked up to another cart and put it in there, I also went and I put these toy handcuffs in the cart, along with some strawberries, whipped cream, chocolate syrup, a dirty magazine, tampons, condoms, and a pregnancy test all in this cart, and then went up to the front of the store, and waited for this person to check out, which turned out to suck when my mom showed up and told us we had to leave, I said why and she said cuz she was embarrassed, I said why she said she grabbed the wrong cart or at least she thought it was the wrong cart, cuz there was… and listed all of those items I was like, ha

Speak when spoken to• it just kind of one those things to only speak when spoken to man, that’s what I have tried to live my life by, I mean some things goes down that’s serious, and you just have to talk about it you know, some thing speaks to you so you speak your mind, this is something very near and dear to my heart, my cousin was recently involved in a shooting, and robbery. He works for this hotel and works the front desk, and gift shop, and some guy with a mask comes in and tells him to open the register, guy has a gun, and my cousin being stupid thinking its some friend playing a joke on him, how stupid do you have to be when some says while holding a gun, where’s the money don’t be stupid and say you know where it is. • And another thing some guy once said would a mugger be more likely to ask for you wallet or your money, who gives a give them whatever they ask for people, • The homeless have spoken to me to

The homeless• I figured it out man while I was hanging with this dude who lived in a trailer park, Jim bob, which is funny because no joke there is a sign that says happy children at play, man do you think those kids out in the middle of the street playing ball are happy, no, they are playing out in the street in hopes to get hit by a car, any way man I figured out though • You know those guys who stand out on the street corner holding signs, no not the homeless, the people working for like coffee shop, holding a sign listening to his I-pod telling everyone to come visit the star bucks, yea those s, I figured give that job to the homeless, I mean so what if they hold up two signs, will work for food, now go to star bucks here on third and man, you know what’s funny bout that I bet ya there is a hooker, a homeless man or a star bucks on a third and main street around the world, I am just betting, any way I would hate to have that job, but if you paid a homeless guy enough he’d go get some good clothes and beer, and get drunk enough to do that job again

GIRLFRIENDS • I had a lovely girlfriend named Ashley and she was by far the best lady a guy could have had , it does make me feel a little weird cuz she was smarter then me and I just said the dumbest stuff when I was around her, like she called her bam bam, and I called her pebbles, well thinking of the Flintstones it makes sense well, at first I was like wait a minute would that be like bad, isn’t pebbles bam bams mom, she told me no hunny its his girlfriend, I felt so dumb, at least with her I feel dumb for a reason • my girlfriend before her, had me W H I PP ED and I say that as a warning I mean, I would be like yea I have a girlfriend they would be like o yea Markus is the man, way to work it, tell us who the man is, you the man right, I didn’t lie I told them that who runs my relationship is a man, and they would be like duhhhhhhhhh, I said how did you know, see my girlfriends name was AMANDA, ha I can use that joke, now, before I couldn’t cuz she told me she would hurt me •

Thanks for your time, and ending how I always do

To make a long story short I won’t tell it, PEACE

Jokes

A guy YOU Don't Know
once upon time, long ago there lived a guy, a guy you don’t know but you will, you will when this story is through so lets get it started, it will be done the sooner we do, he has long hair, on one side of his face he has no, naughty place but he does have what I would call a zit, that looks like a bowling ball but it could just mean his mother did crack and his father could have been kicked in the sack maybe he has some sort of disorder but maybe I watch too much law and order he once was thought of as a girl but then he thought he was a squirrel he thought he was so very smart but every time he blinked he’d fart he thinks his dad is brother, his brother is mom he thinks he might be related to sadam he thinks he is messed up more times then you can count he doesn’t even know how to dismount he has one big ear, and hears funny sounds he has one big eye, but it looks at the ground he has a big nose, but it looks like a toe and his face looks like a guy you might know he is Michael Jackson’s twin Dennis Rodman’s cousin I think you may know him he is ASHLEY SIMPSON

FEB 14th
February 14th, such a day it is, walking through the loved filled air All the candles lit, People walking hand and hand, I don’t understand What’s the big deal bout all this romance No date tonight No I’m yours or your mine No running away with my heart I hate Valentines Day… hearts and love and stuff man this really sucks I hate Valentines Day… have dinner for one and watch friends ALONE Run away, don’t get involved, For goodness sake just stay At home Today’s the day, Cupid’s arrow fell, To make candy sell and make my life a living HELL No date tonight No I’m yours, or your mine No running away with my heart I hate Valentines Day… hearts and love and stuff man this really sucks I hate Valentines Day… have dinner for one and watch friends ALONE because… Roses are red, violets are blue, if you love V day then I hate you enjoy the time with your soon to be cuz when they dump you, you’ll feel just like ME


FUNNY SONG
Some are tall Some are small Some remember a little Some non at all So when you sitting by the phone Listening to that dial tone Feeling so very alone Take a trip to the Old folks home They will play you in chess or checkers They will give you hand woven sweaters They will tell you stories, some of them may be true But just remember, that someday that could be you They will tell things about when they were your age They will let watch while the bathe (ewww) They will give you hits of there oxygen, oh yea They let you play bingo but they won’t let you win So when you sitting by the phone Listening to that dial tone Feeling so very alone Take a trip to the Old folks home Squirrel

THE PAST- class of 05 tell me if this is true

Ha!! I was thinkin the other day, i remember when...

PRESCHOOL~3rd Grade - we all liked each other, it didnt matter, if you were black or white, big or tall, fat or skinny, dum or smart. We all were close!!

4Thgrade- we all kinda drifted apart started to form a little groups, and started understanding alittle bit about lables. i got a girlfirnd for the first time, and didnt know what to do (not a lot has changed)

5th grade-9th grade- people started coming and going, are little world ws changing beofre are eyes, maybe a best friend starts to do drugs, and you lose a friend becuz of it, and make some new ones becuz you dnt want to go down that path anymore. then middle school hits... with sports and girls, and dances... oh my!!! Heart aches, and Mistakes.... the drama starts to form. Then towards the end of middle school first year of high school, groups get bigger, and we recconect with the past agian, drinkin and drugs still around, right wrong doesnt really matter.

still with the girls and drama, and heart aches and mistakes, we are growing up just a little bit

10- 11 grade- groups start to kinda slow down, you reach out from you comfert zone. wheather its cuz tradgey strikes, through death or a loss of some kind, or your maturing just a little,
trying to find your place in this world

SENIOR YEAR!!!! everyone goes back to the way it was in preschool, nobody cares, they get along with everyone {just about} trying to go off to college, move on from the high school/middle school drama, peopel saying hi to old friends, and then...

a few years after high school- peopel are getting marreid geting boy/girlfriends having kids, parting. i mean myspace, facebook, internet, we all want to reconncet wit those we loved from our past.

and all supporting each other in our dreams and the people we are becoming, its amazing, and if i could speak for us all for just a minute

we do miss ya, and hope we can all meet again,

the bird- Mark Falconer

Dreams

DREAM LIKE YOU LIVE, AND YOU WILL LIVE YOUR DREAM

Dream- dream big, or go home. DREAM AS THOUGH YOU CAN NOT FAIL AND THOU SHALL PREVAIL

four years ago, i had a dream of being a stand up comic. four years later that dream is under my feet.

when you set a goal for yourself and it comes true, ride it. I never understood what they meant by ride it till the wheels fall off. and then my dream came true and i got on stage, got my website, got gigs lined up, and now, i feel like, wow!!

and its just the start too,, everything starts with a crawl, the a walk, the run, then you fall break a hip and your in a chair, stroling, well i crawled and im learing to walk, andby the time i start to run, i will run till i cant no more. I am almost 21 i started this {dream} when i was 16!!
i have a long time to learn how to walk and run. and when its over, and all said and done, all i can say, is THANK GOD I HAD ONE HECK OF A RUN.

I find myself always competing against myslef, trying to please everyone around me, and getting laughed at for what i belived in, and just recently its different, its like, i belive in myself, i belive in my god, i belive in my dreams, and i beilve i will make it. Its becuz of god, that makes me belive. I dont want to get preachy cuz i really dont know the lord all that well, we dont go golfing every other sunday, i mean i talk to him, and i know he gave me a gift to make people laugh, and he has taught me to be happy, and to laugh, thats why

BEHAPPYLAUGHING means so much to me, cuz i feel that we should be happy and laugh.

who knows maybe im a little crazy, a little wild, but i do know one thing

i am crawling, i have stood up and took my fisrt step, i meay fall on my face a few times, but you best belive, i will start running beofre long, and everyone is going to be saying
Be
Happy
Laughing!!!

"THE BIRDMAN'' Mark Falconer

Kids and the Stars

so the other day, i was driving home, listing to the raido, singing a totally different song then what was on, cuz i can do that when no one is in the car, i had my cell phone i was texting, i had a rock star in my hand to keep me awake, and then i stoped at a red light, and noticed this ten yeas old kid, i knew he was ten cuz he had those roller shoes, but he had a shaved head, know thats when i realized,that kids these days want to be like the stars, you know he was listing to britney spears on his i pod. hey i wanted to be like the stars too, i joined karate did ot for 12+ years all because i wanted to be a nija turtle, now i got the martial arts down, i just need to turn green and grow a shell, anyways hope all is well just wanted to thnk all of you for the support of behappylaughing, keep in touch

LIFE!!!!!!

So, life... what to say, life is like a road, it has its road blocks, it has its great sites, it has its turns, and stop lights, and through it al, you end up where your going. Sometimes you have to take a detour, but you get there. Yet, sometimes you change your plans, and where your going. but at the end of the day, are you where you want to be. There are so many things that define us as people. there are people who wheather good or bad makes us who we are today. you see alot through your life, and even at a young age you see alot more then you should. from, drugs to death, to love to heartbreak, from births to abortions, from racism to war, no mater what it is... tragedy, celebrations, surprises, mistakes. no mater what it is... you live, you learn, you get stories, and you tell them, and you leave this world with your memory living on through your stories. and i make it my mission, to live through god, my lord, and tell his story, and tell my journy of life through him and how i found him, through the gift of laughter. and on the 10th of febuary in Kansas City Missiouri begins my long journy, and that is the first stop, and then colrado, and i invite everybody to follow me and join me and help me along on my way to tell my story, too anybody who will listen

THE TIMES WE LIVE IN!!!!!!

TIME........THE TIMES WE LIVE IN

In this life there are tons of TIMES.... there are are 1st TIMES, or there is always next TIME,

or heres one, remember last TIME. What is with this TIME business. if you want to be in the TIME business go work for a clock company!!!

TIME....

Time is everything, every where, and hardy har har, LOL, HA HA, TIME HAPPENS ALL THE TIME!!

Time is like.... AIr.

it is everywhere.

it seems like every place i go, or every story I tell, as ssome peoid of time attached to it.

TIME.. IS A MIND BOGGLER.

and some TIMES, i want to find the guy who invented TIME, in which case, would be GOD, and ask WHY?

but thats is also the question of life. WHY?

WHY THIS? WHY THAT? WHY AM I ASKING WHY?,

MIND BOGGLING ISN'T IT!!!

Oh well its 1 in the am, and im tired and thinking about alot of pointless crap, so bare with me.

Catch yall later,

till next TIME...

BE HAPPY LAUGHING

Well let me start of by saying its great to be here, on yet another site, writing for who ever reads this(if any)

Lets, get this thing kicked off shall we....

so its now....(looks at clock) 1:40 pm, or so. I am up late cuz I just got home from work. I work at Wal * Mart, and let me tell you, it’s not that bad... ok it sucks. However, I’m not here to talk about Wal-Mart, I’m here to talk about life’s little moments.

Everyone has had little moments, things they wish they had done, could do, would a, could a, should a, blue blah blee... NO REGRETS!!!

I have none, I really don’t, I really cant complain much about my life., there is just those moments,

FOR EXAMPLE: I was listening to a comic a couple weeks ago, Spencer James, and he brought up something very interesting, he said something bout while working at home depot some one stop and asked home if he worked there, lol, he’s like I have on the apron, yes I work there.

I had a similar situation happen today. And it just strikes me as come-on does we really pay attention to what we are doing,

I think we find the answer to be no we don’t. I think its people who are on vacation who are the worst.

I live in a small tourist town, and tourists are insane. I think they all read from some tourists from dummies book.

I mean, I can sort of understand, but people have to use common sense on something’s

"when do the deer turn in to elk," that is the most asked question by a person visiting Estes park Colorado who has never seen an elk or a deer,

the most replied answer to that question is, TOURIST SEASON!!

And the tourists all laugh at the shirts that say "why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them" and they think it’s funny. Not knowing we actually really don’t like them.

or he’s another question, um where are the rocky mountains’, well, sir just keep going up and over that giant rock in front of you may find them sooner or later, if you don’t just make 3 lefts, and try again.

anyway, hope yall enjoyed my first blog, and sorry bout the typing I’m not very good at typing, at 2 in the am, so, hopefully they will get better with time

in the mean time, don’t forget to visit my site behappylaughing.com, or if you have visited it, don’t forget to sign the guestbook,

behappylaughing,